1 00:00:02,561 --> 00:00:04,461 ♪ 2 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:35,659 ♪ 3 00:00:58,708 --> 00:01:00,642 [indistinct chatter] 4 00:01:01,787 --> 00:01:03,604 ♪ 5 00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,984 It's awful. Just awful. 6 00:01:11,130 --> 00:01:12,053 I got these for free 7 00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:13,647 and I put in prescription lenses. 8 00:01:13,723 --> 00:01:17,392 Okay, let's go crowd the gate even though we're in group "R." 9 00:01:17,469 --> 00:01:19,078 ["On a Cocoanut Island" by Louis Armstrong plays] 10 00:01:19,154 --> 00:01:22,155 ♪ On a coconut island ♪ 11 00:01:22,232 --> 00:01:25,626 ♪ I'd like to be a castaway with you ♪ 12 00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:28,995 ♪ On a coconut island ♪ 13 00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:29,996 ♪ There wouldn't be... ♪ 14 00:01:30,149 --> 00:01:32,424 Man, Bermuda is beautiful, isn't it? 15 00:01:32,501 --> 00:01:34,835 You bet. And now I can cross another place off 16 00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:36,320 my "Kokomo" bucket list. 17 00:01:36,322 --> 00:01:38,004 -What's that? -Oh, I sort of use 18 00:01:38,081 --> 00:01:40,507 the lyrics to "Kokomo" as my life's itinerary. 19 00:01:40,584 --> 00:01:43,677 I don't have a travel agent, I just have "Kokomo." 20 00:01:43,753 --> 00:01:47,589 Mm, I do recall your trips to Aruba and Montego. 21 00:01:47,666 --> 00:01:49,257 Yep, and now Bermuda. 22 00:01:49,335 --> 00:01:51,168 Uh, I did Benihana. 23 00:01:51,170 --> 00:01:52,836 -It's not "Benihana". -Sure is. 24 00:01:52,838 --> 00:01:54,187 It's the cheapest one, honestly. 25 00:01:54,264 --> 00:01:57,023 Boy, I can't wait till we can finally go to Kokomo. 26 00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,675 Kokomo isn't real, Joe. 27 00:01:58,677 --> 00:02:00,119 It's a common misconception. 28 00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:03,697 If you go to all the others, you unlock Kokomo. 29 00:02:03,773 --> 00:02:05,106 Only thing about Kokomo, though, 30 00:02:05,126 --> 00:02:07,200 is you can check out any time you like, 31 00:02:07,277 --> 00:02:08,702 but you can never leave. 32 00:02:08,778 --> 00:02:10,537 That's something else entirely. 33 00:02:10,614 --> 00:02:12,548 ♪ 34 00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:20,288 Welcome to The White Lotus Bermuda. 35 00:02:20,366 --> 00:02:21,974 Named after the sports car, not the flower. 36 00:02:22,050 --> 00:02:25,051 Wow, Brian, you look so handsome in that suit. 37 00:02:25,128 --> 00:02:28,221 And I can't believe they already promoted you to manager. 38 00:02:28,298 --> 00:02:29,389 Honestly, Lois, working here 39 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,299 has been just the change I needed. 40 00:02:31,377 --> 00:02:34,711 I made the choice to sober up and start a new, clean life. 41 00:02:34,713 --> 00:02:36,546 Me and Jeffrey can't believe 42 00:02:36,548 --> 00:02:39,140 we's finally in the "Bermuda Guy-Angle," 43 00:02:39,218 --> 00:02:41,142 where we hear lots of handsome men 44 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:43,871 have mysteriously gone down over the years. 45 00:02:43,906 --> 00:02:46,406 [laughs] This is already a good trip. 46 00:02:46,483 --> 00:02:50,335 For a grand a night, that should really be an iPad. 47 00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:52,546 ♪ 48 00:02:57,327 --> 00:02:59,085 Wow, look at this room. 49 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:01,405 And what a beautiful painting. 50 00:03:01,407 --> 00:03:03,849 Ah, yes, by a talented local artist. 51 00:03:03,926 --> 00:03:05,667 It depicts the legend of a fat husband 52 00:03:05,744 --> 00:03:08,187 who ignored his wife, so she beheaded him 53 00:03:08,263 --> 00:03:10,004 and had sex with his best friend, 54 00:03:10,082 --> 00:03:11,748 who was a regional airline pilot. 55 00:03:11,750 --> 00:03:13,192 Man, I just don't get art. 56 00:03:13,268 --> 00:03:14,601 Yeah, great, can we just get to my room? 57 00:03:14,678 --> 00:03:17,178 I've been holding in a dump since America. 58 00:03:17,256 --> 00:03:19,439 Look at us, Peter. Huh? 59 00:03:19,516 --> 00:03:22,016 Finally on a romantic vacation together. 60 00:03:22,094 --> 00:03:23,685 [gasps] Oh, you know what? 61 00:03:23,762 --> 00:03:28,356 Let's have crazy vacation sex, right here, right now. [laughs] 62 00:03:28,434 --> 00:03:29,950 Eh, I don't know, maybe later. 63 00:03:30,102 --> 00:03:31,043 I mean, you know my kryptonite 64 00:03:31,119 --> 00:03:32,860 is drapes that can open by a button. 65 00:03:32,938 --> 00:03:36,197 Pick your poison, Lois. Just the sheers? Full blackout? 66 00:03:36,275 --> 00:03:38,108 Or-- Uh, I think I broke it. 67 00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:40,552 Oh, forget it. I'll be at the pool. 68 00:03:40,629 --> 00:03:41,628 Okay, I'll meet you down there. 69 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,705 I need 20 minutes for those red lines 70 00:03:43,782 --> 00:03:45,557 from my socks to smooth out. 71 00:03:45,634 --> 00:03:47,559 ♪ 72 00:03:50,122 --> 00:03:51,471 Oh, Brian, I'm so glad you're here. 73 00:03:51,548 --> 00:03:54,382 I never do this, but one of the bellhops yelled at me 74 00:03:54,460 --> 00:03:55,959 when I was playing on the baggage cart, 75 00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:56,960 and I want him fired. 76 00:03:56,962 --> 00:03:58,386 Stewie, he has three children. 77 00:03:58,464 --> 00:04:00,797 Yeah, again, I never do this. 78 00:04:00,799 --> 00:04:02,074 Why are you dressed like that? 79 00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:04,634 Oh, when I go on vacation, I like to spice things up 80 00:04:04,636 --> 00:04:08,080 by adopting a "travel persona" named "Desmond Voyáge." 81 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:10,231 Oh, and one other teensy thing: 82 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:13,067 I actually specifically requested an ocean-view room. 83 00:04:13,145 --> 00:04:14,253 You have an ocean-view room. 84 00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:16,088 Eh, technically, I'm looking out 85 00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,814 -onto a bay. -It's water. 86 00:04:17,816 --> 00:04:20,984 Yeah, a bay is actually a curvature in the shoreline 87 00:04:20,986 --> 00:04:22,152 that creates an inlet. 88 00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:23,820 I don't want to have to look at any land. 89 00:04:23,822 --> 00:04:24,988 [groans] 90 00:04:24,990 --> 00:04:26,156 Oh, hey there. 91 00:04:26,158 --> 00:04:28,249 We's just gonna scooch in next to you, 92 00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,843 but sorry if we get loud. 93 00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,511 We's just settling an argument 94 00:04:31,588 --> 00:04:34,472 about what the deal is with Hilaria Baldwin. 95 00:04:34,549 --> 00:04:36,850 I'll tell you her deal. She's a woman from Boston 96 00:04:36,926 --> 00:04:38,351 named Hillary Hayward-Thomas, 97 00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,670 who, on her first date with Alec Baldwin, 98 00:04:40,672 --> 00:04:43,690 probably said "por favor" to a waiter to seem exotic, 99 00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:46,026 and has been cosplaying as a Latina ever since. 100 00:04:46,102 --> 00:04:48,845 Mmm, I like you. What's your name? 101 00:04:48,864 --> 00:04:52,106 Unless you don't wanna say 'cause it's boring and ordinary. 102 00:04:52,184 --> 00:04:54,017 Desmond Voyáge. 103 00:04:54,019 --> 00:04:55,627 [all] Ooh. 104 00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,779 Desmond, would you join me, Jeffrey and Dennis 105 00:04:57,856 --> 00:04:59,205 for dinner tonight? 106 00:04:59,282 --> 00:05:01,800 Well, that depends on the menu, because I'm gluten-free. 107 00:05:01,877 --> 00:05:03,710 Not medically, just for the drama. 108 00:05:03,862 --> 00:05:05,695 [all] Ooh. 109 00:05:05,697 --> 00:05:07,264 ♪ 110 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:12,293 Come on, Chris, the drinking age in Bermuda is only 18, 111 00:05:12,371 --> 00:05:13,887 so I want to buy some rum to pound 112 00:05:13,963 --> 00:05:15,722 so I can get totally blitzed. 113 00:05:15,799 --> 00:05:17,131 It honestly makes me sad 114 00:05:17,209 --> 00:05:20,319 you feel the need to show off to your own brother. 115 00:05:20,395 --> 00:05:22,988 ♪ 116 00:05:23,899 --> 00:05:27,400 Oh, my God. I must have this. 117 00:05:27,477 --> 00:05:29,886 What? Some lame, touristy T-shirt? 118 00:05:29,888 --> 00:05:31,663 Meg, according to high school law, 119 00:05:31,740 --> 00:05:33,665 vacation shirts equal status, 120 00:05:33,817 --> 00:05:37,652 and Neil Goldman has been rubbing "Señor Frog's Cancún" 121 00:05:37,729 --> 00:05:40,113 in my face for far too long. 122 00:05:40,190 --> 00:05:42,215 Fine, we'll get the rum and the T-shirt. 123 00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:45,510 That'll be $90. 124 00:05:45,587 --> 00:05:46,678 $90? 125 00:05:46,755 --> 00:05:48,347 How much for just the shirt? 126 00:05:48,423 --> 00:05:49,163 $40. 127 00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:51,091 How much for... nothing? 128 00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:52,592 That's five dollars. 129 00:05:52,669 --> 00:05:54,077 [announcer] Hotels. What are you gonna do, 130 00:05:54,079 --> 00:05:56,462 take a cab to a pharmacy? 131 00:05:56,615 --> 00:05:58,440 ♪ 132 00:06:00,268 --> 00:06:02,769 Oh, my God, I can't wait to see St. David's Lighthouse. 133 00:06:02,846 --> 00:06:04,011 I know. 134 00:06:04,089 --> 00:06:05,922 What are we gonna do at a stupid lighthouse? 135 00:06:05,924 --> 00:06:07,774 Wake me when it's a Roadhouse. 136 00:06:07,851 --> 00:06:09,534 [tires screeching] 137 00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:11,595 Peter, you're driving. 138 00:06:11,597 --> 00:06:12,579 Sorry. 139 00:06:14,433 --> 00:06:16,933 Holy crap. Did you guys see that? 140 00:06:16,935 --> 00:06:19,211 "World's Best Cheesecake." 141 00:06:21,698 --> 00:06:23,289 In Bermuda? [scoffs] 142 00:06:23,366 --> 00:06:25,083 Peter, there's no way that's true. 143 00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,551 Yeah, I don't know, Lois. Who am I gonna listen to, 144 00:06:26,628 --> 00:06:29,036 my wife or a sign on the side of the highway? 145 00:06:29,038 --> 00:06:30,947 Damn it, Peter, I will not let you 146 00:06:30,949 --> 00:06:32,224 ruin another trip for me. 147 00:06:32,300 --> 00:06:35,118 Come on, Glenn, let's go see that lighthouse. 148 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,286 Fine, go. 149 00:06:36,288 --> 00:06:37,562 Taxi! 150 00:06:42,886 --> 00:06:45,195 ♪ 151 00:06:51,895 --> 00:06:53,561 Good afternoon, sir. 152 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:54,638 May I interest you-- 153 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:56,156 Sorry, I'm from the United States, 154 00:06:56,232 --> 00:06:58,232 so I'm scared to talk to anyone from the island 155 00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,334 who doesn't work at the resort. 156 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:06,383 ♪ 157 00:07:08,077 --> 00:07:09,002 [telephone rings] 158 00:07:09,078 --> 00:07:10,820 Front Desk, this is Brian. 159 00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,414 Yes, I'd like to request a wake-up call for tomorrow 160 00:07:13,492 --> 00:07:14,916 even though every human on Earth 161 00:07:14,993 --> 00:07:16,660 now has an alarm clock in their pocket. 162 00:07:16,662 --> 00:07:18,511 Oh, hey, Stewie. Sorry again about the mix-up 163 00:07:18,588 --> 00:07:20,105 with your room, but I hope you're enjoying 164 00:07:20,256 --> 00:07:22,423 the apology fruit platter I sent up. 165 00:07:22,501 --> 00:07:23,758 Eh, it's mostly honeydew, 166 00:07:23,835 --> 00:07:26,278 and not a berry to be found on the whole plate. 167 00:07:26,354 --> 00:07:27,687 What do you mean? There's strawberries. 168 00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,172 Mmm, not technically a berry. 169 00:07:29,174 --> 00:07:31,283 It's actually an aggregate accessory fruit. 170 00:07:31,359 --> 00:07:33,118 It's got the word "berry" in the name. 171 00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,195 Doesn't make it a berry. It's also got the word "straw," 172 00:07:35,271 --> 00:07:37,180 but I'm not sipping my drink through it. 173 00:07:37,182 --> 00:07:39,106 So, now I'm sitting here, staring at a bay 174 00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:41,367 with a plate of aggregate accessory fruit 175 00:07:41,444 --> 00:07:44,004 and wondering how you plan to make this up to me. 176 00:07:45,207 --> 00:07:46,856 Oh, hey, Peter. How's the trip going? 177 00:07:46,858 --> 00:07:48,950 Awesome, Brian. Not only did I manage to find 178 00:07:49,027 --> 00:07:50,302 the "World's Best Cheesecake," 179 00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:52,195 I even brought back an extra piece. 180 00:07:52,197 --> 00:07:54,047 Hey, I saw Lois and Quagmire 181 00:07:54,123 --> 00:07:56,032 have been posting a ton of stuff on Instagram. 182 00:07:56,034 --> 00:07:57,642 Seems like they had quite a day. 183 00:08:02,298 --> 00:08:04,149 Does... does this bother you at all? 184 00:08:04,226 --> 00:08:06,985 No way. I'm doing vacation exactly right. 185 00:08:07,062 --> 00:08:08,394 Some idiot's takin' my wife 186 00:08:08,396 --> 00:08:10,547 to all the boring places I don't want to go. 187 00:08:10,549 --> 00:08:13,383 Meanwhile, I'm at the hotel, just eating cheesecake 188 00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:14,551 and ordering more towels. 189 00:08:14,553 --> 00:08:17,478 Hey, can I get more towels to Room 412? 190 00:08:17,556 --> 00:08:19,414 ♪ 191 00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,652 Hmm, I think I'll get the salmon. 192 00:08:24,730 --> 00:08:26,079 The salmon, huh? 193 00:08:26,155 --> 00:08:28,064 I think that's a great idea. 194 00:08:28,066 --> 00:08:29,899 [laughs] Oh, my God. What is that? 195 00:08:29,901 --> 00:08:32,902 It's a Christmas ornament I got at the lighthouse gift shop. 196 00:08:32,904 --> 00:08:34,829 Oh, I just love small things 197 00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:36,848 that remind me of big things I've seen. 198 00:08:36,925 --> 00:08:37,999 [slurps] 199 00:08:38,076 --> 00:08:39,375 Settle down. 200 00:08:39,377 --> 00:08:41,686 Another Oreo cookie milkshake with vodka in it. 201 00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:44,856 You know, I'm feeling a little hot in these pants. 202 00:08:44,933 --> 00:08:46,507 I may just go upstairs real quick 203 00:08:46,585 --> 00:08:47,859 to change into a sarong. 204 00:08:48,011 --> 00:08:50,695 Huh. I feel like I'd also like to slip into my sarong. 205 00:08:50,772 --> 00:08:52,513 Sarong run? 206 00:08:52,591 --> 00:08:55,033 You okay with them spending so much time together? 207 00:08:55,110 --> 00:08:57,202 Yeah, no one in the history of the world 208 00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:59,262 has ever gone on a sarong run. 209 00:08:59,264 --> 00:09:00,446 Relax, it's fine. 210 00:09:00,523 --> 00:09:02,098 And no amount of ominous waves 211 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,708 crashing onto a rocky shore 212 00:09:03,785 --> 00:09:05,285 are gonna change my mind. 213 00:09:05,361 --> 00:09:08,088 ♪ 214 00:09:11,552 --> 00:09:13,626 Now, Rupert, we mustn't let our new friends 215 00:09:13,703 --> 00:09:17,038 see that we are anything but adults, just like they are. 216 00:09:17,115 --> 00:09:18,782 So, Desmond, what did you do today? 217 00:09:18,784 --> 00:09:21,284 Oh, I spent most of the day in the business center, 218 00:09:21,286 --> 00:09:23,228 -as adults do. -Really? 219 00:09:23,305 --> 00:09:26,306 Yes, they're running an Epson ET-5180 in there. 220 00:09:26,382 --> 00:09:27,957 Not my preferred choice, but, you know, 221 00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:29,642 thing jammed and I didn't even cry. 222 00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:33,313 No tantrum. Just kept on doing my business. 223 00:09:33,389 --> 00:09:35,740 You guys, let's totally do credit card roulette 224 00:09:35,817 --> 00:09:37,150 to see who pays for dinner. 225 00:09:37,226 --> 00:09:38,243 -Right? -Yeah. -I love it. 226 00:09:38,394 --> 00:09:40,495 Oh, indeed. H-h-here. Here. Here's mine. 227 00:09:42,899 --> 00:09:44,416 This is a Peppa Pig bookmark. 228 00:09:44,492 --> 00:09:46,492 No. No, they let you customize the credit card. 229 00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:48,736 I almost went with the Montreal Expos. 230 00:09:48,814 --> 00:09:50,071 They're not a team anymore. 231 00:09:50,148 --> 00:09:51,590 Yeah, I'm a big nostalgia guy. 232 00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:55,076 Ah, there you are, Stew-- I mean, um, Mr. Voyáge. 233 00:09:55,153 --> 00:09:57,078 With apologies for the earlier fruit plate, 234 00:09:57,155 --> 00:09:59,264 please accept this complimentary seafood tower. 235 00:09:59,341 --> 00:10:00,840 Great, now could you bring us another one 236 00:10:00,917 --> 00:10:02,342 that you haven't talked all over? 237 00:10:02,418 --> 00:10:04,251 And I'd say this is less a seafood tower 238 00:10:04,329 --> 00:10:06,496 than it is a seafood duplex. 239 00:10:06,498 --> 00:10:08,106 [giggling] 240 00:10:08,183 --> 00:10:10,091 Perhaps you'd prefer a complimentary bottle 241 00:10:10,168 --> 00:10:11,592 of our finest Riesling? 242 00:10:11,670 --> 00:10:12,852 Oh, that's sweet. 243 00:10:12,929 --> 00:10:14,187 It's the least we could do. 244 00:10:14,263 --> 00:10:15,688 No, I'm talking about the Riesling. 245 00:10:15,841 --> 00:10:18,675 I didn't realize this was a bachelorette party in Nashville. 246 00:10:18,677 --> 00:10:20,118 Just bring back another seafood tower 247 00:10:20,195 --> 00:10:21,694 and the score of the Expos game. 248 00:10:21,847 --> 00:10:24,364 That... was amazing. 249 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,850 Desmond, you absolutely have 250 00:10:26,852 --> 00:10:28,184 to join us on our yacht tomorrow. 251 00:10:28,186 --> 00:10:30,536 Yacht? I say, that sounds lovely. 252 00:10:30,689 --> 00:10:31,855 Yay! 253 00:10:31,857 --> 00:10:33,948 We's gonna sail to and then hike up 254 00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:36,376 a volcano called "The Purple Head." 255 00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:38,544 That's right. We's gonna start at the base 256 00:10:38,621 --> 00:10:40,046 and then work our way to the tip. 257 00:10:40,123 --> 00:10:41,364 You've got to be careful, though, 258 00:10:41,383 --> 00:10:43,533 because The Purple Head's been known to erupt 259 00:10:43,535 --> 00:10:45,034 when you least expect it. 260 00:10:45,036 --> 00:10:47,887 I even heard it's created the world's biggest ash-hole. 261 00:10:47,964 --> 00:10:49,296 I'm gonna join this table. 262 00:10:49,374 --> 00:10:51,799 Peter, it seems like it's been a while 263 00:10:51,877 --> 00:10:54,043 since Quagmire and Lois went upstairs. 264 00:10:54,045 --> 00:10:55,879 Yeah, fine, I'll go check on 'em. 265 00:10:55,897 --> 00:10:58,365 ♪ 266 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:02,369 [gasps] Oh, my God. 267 00:11:03,889 --> 00:11:05,413 And I gotta clean it all up. 268 00:11:06,667 --> 00:11:07,999 Yes, this is Room 412. 269 00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,984 Can I have some more towels, please? 270 00:11:10,061 --> 00:11:12,128 ♪ 271 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,825 Meg, look. It's that shirt. 272 00:11:17,903 --> 00:11:20,403 Oh, God, I want it so bad. 273 00:11:20,405 --> 00:11:23,214 You know, there is one way for me to get that rum 274 00:11:23,291 --> 00:11:24,849 and for you to get that T-shirt. 275 00:11:24,926 --> 00:11:26,851 We could always shoplift 'em. 276 00:11:26,928 --> 00:11:29,187 Shoplift? Who do I look like, 277 00:11:29,264 --> 00:11:31,690 celebrity film critic Rex Reed? 278 00:11:31,766 --> 00:11:33,266 Convicted killer Robert Durst? 279 00:11:33,342 --> 00:11:36,194 Journeyman quarterback Jameis Winston? 280 00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:40,365 Okay, I'm not exactly sure what this is, but... yeah. 281 00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:42,850 ♪ 282 00:11:42,928 --> 00:11:44,777 Hmm, okay. 283 00:11:44,854 --> 00:11:47,113 -I'm not sure how we-- -Relax, I got this. 284 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:49,282 Go into a changing room, put the rum in your backpack. 285 00:11:49,358 --> 00:11:51,267 Meanwhile, I'll go into another changing room, 286 00:11:51,269 --> 00:11:52,785 put the shirt on, then casually walk out 287 00:11:52,862 --> 00:11:54,695 like I came in wearing it. 288 00:11:54,773 --> 00:11:56,256 Okay. Got it. 289 00:12:00,779 --> 00:12:01,720 What are you doing? 290 00:12:01,796 --> 00:12:04,389 -Run! Run! I messed up! -Aah! 291 00:12:04,466 --> 00:12:06,632 ♪ 292 00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,727 Desmond, you made it. 293 00:12:08,803 --> 00:12:10,136 Yes, I'm sorry I'm late. 294 00:12:10,213 --> 00:12:12,346 I was in the business center helping Mr. Takahashi 295 00:12:12,381 --> 00:12:13,973 log into his United account. 296 00:12:14,050 --> 00:12:15,625 Do you know he's 75? 297 00:12:15,627 --> 00:12:17,902 I have no idea who you're talking about. 298 00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:19,145 All right, now could someone please 299 00:12:19,222 --> 00:12:21,072 help me onto the boat like a woman? 300 00:12:21,074 --> 00:12:22,148 Yes, there you are, 301 00:12:22,225 --> 00:12:24,300 just guide me by my wrist and elbow. 302 00:12:24,302 --> 00:12:26,393 So, heading up the volcano again? 303 00:12:26,471 --> 00:12:27,153 Yep. 304 00:12:27,230 --> 00:12:29,063 And just like every year, 305 00:12:29,140 --> 00:12:30,248 when we reach the top, 306 00:12:30,325 --> 00:12:33,234 we're all going to make a sacrifice. 307 00:12:33,311 --> 00:12:34,753 [gasps] Sacrifice? 308 00:12:34,829 --> 00:12:36,737 Well, no wonder they've been so nice to me, Rupert. 309 00:12:36,815 --> 00:12:39,482 They're going to make a sacrifice to the volcano, 310 00:12:39,484 --> 00:12:42,093 and I'm the only virgin on this boat. 311 00:12:42,170 --> 00:12:44,003 No, no, no, I don't care if you found Jesus. 312 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,221 What happened before still counts. 313 00:12:49,828 --> 00:12:52,345 ♪ 314 00:12:52,347 --> 00:12:55,164 Caught shoplifting booze and a T-shirt? 315 00:12:55,166 --> 00:12:56,257 What were you guys thinking? 316 00:12:56,334 --> 00:12:58,926 I'm sorry, Brian. I-I was just trying 317 00:12:59,004 --> 00:13:00,520 to keep up with Neil Goldman. 318 00:13:00,596 --> 00:13:03,114 Oh, yeah, that "Señor Frog's Cancún" shirt? 319 00:13:03,191 --> 00:13:04,598 Oh, yeah, no, that thing's badass. 320 00:13:04,676 --> 00:13:07,026 But, Meg, it says here you not only stole rum, 321 00:13:07,103 --> 00:13:09,345 but also two tiny novelty license plates 322 00:13:09,347 --> 00:13:10,863 that say "Mel" and "Greg"? 323 00:13:10,940 --> 00:13:12,439 I was gonna cut 'em in half 324 00:13:12,517 --> 00:13:14,292 and solder 'em together to spell "Meg". 325 00:13:14,369 --> 00:13:17,370 There's no way people are still naming their kids "Mel." 326 00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:19,780 Like, name one "Mel" under 50. 327 00:13:19,782 --> 00:13:21,040 I think we're getting off track. 328 00:13:21,117 --> 00:13:23,918 I'm just saying, you can stop printing the Mels. 329 00:13:23,995 --> 00:13:25,862 -We don't print them. -Okay, then you can 330 00:13:25,864 --> 00:13:27,788 stop ordering the Mels. 331 00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,724 ♪ 332 00:13:33,371 --> 00:13:35,038 [Quagmire] Hey, Lois, 333 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:37,190 open wide. 334 00:13:38,226 --> 00:13:41,302 Glenn, I want you to take my cherry. 335 00:13:41,379 --> 00:13:43,062 Yeah, I'll take your cherry. 336 00:13:43,139 --> 00:13:44,305 You want my crust? 337 00:13:44,382 --> 00:13:47,050 Ew, no. No, I mean, I like crust, 338 00:13:47,052 --> 00:13:49,385 but don't-- Ugh-- don't say it like that. 339 00:13:49,387 --> 00:13:52,413 [crying] 340 00:13:54,576 --> 00:13:56,501 ♪ 341 00:13:56,578 --> 00:13:58,336 [phone ringing] 342 00:13:58,413 --> 00:13:59,562 This is Brian. 343 00:13:59,564 --> 00:14:01,230 Brian, this is a resort executive 344 00:14:01,232 --> 00:14:02,990 in a heavily-embroidered, open-collar shirt. 345 00:14:03,068 --> 00:14:06,252 We've gotten several complaints from a very important guest, 346 00:14:06,329 --> 00:14:08,571 Desmond Voyáge, including the fact that, 347 00:14:08,573 --> 00:14:11,683 "the in-room movie selections don't include Michael Clayton, 348 00:14:11,834 --> 00:14:14,760 "despite there clearly being a still image of it 349 00:14:14,837 --> 00:14:16,245 on the home screen." 350 00:14:16,247 --> 00:14:17,504 Frickin' Stewie. 351 00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:20,341 He says, for him, "falling asleep to George Clooney 352 00:14:20,418 --> 00:14:22,752 "shouting about toxic agrochemicals 353 00:14:22,754 --> 00:14:25,012 scratches a very specific itch." 354 00:14:25,090 --> 00:14:27,198 Yep, I'll handle it. Thanks. 355 00:14:27,275 --> 00:14:28,658 [sighs] 356 00:14:30,019 --> 00:14:32,203 ♪ 357 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:39,619 Ah, I've missed you, captain. 358 00:14:39,695 --> 00:14:41,896 And I've missed you, Brett. 359 00:14:41,973 --> 00:14:43,289 It's... it's Brian. 360 00:14:43,366 --> 00:14:44,624 Oh, sorry, I... 361 00:14:44,700 --> 00:14:48,294 I guess I'm always super wasted when we hang out. 362 00:14:48,371 --> 00:14:50,305 ♪ 363 00:14:53,542 --> 00:14:56,543 Hey, so, this seems far enough, right? 364 00:14:56,621 --> 00:14:58,396 Like, I'll bet if we turn around now, 365 00:14:58,473 --> 00:15:00,306 we can still get back in time 366 00:15:00,383 --> 00:15:02,066 to make fun of the cabana waitress 367 00:15:02,143 --> 00:15:04,385 with the lopsided boob job, heh? 368 00:15:04,462 --> 00:15:06,220 Damn it, Rupert, we're running out of ti-- 369 00:15:06,297 --> 00:15:08,740 [gasps] I've got a signal. I've got to call Brian. 370 00:15:09,743 --> 00:15:11,317 -Hello? -Brian, help! 371 00:15:11,469 --> 00:15:13,152 I'm hiking to the top of a volcano 372 00:15:13,229 --> 00:15:15,821 where I'm going to be thrown to my death as a sacrifice. 373 00:15:15,898 --> 00:15:17,140 Screw you, Stewie! 374 00:15:17,142 --> 00:15:19,642 You've turned my job into a total nightmare. 375 00:15:19,644 --> 00:15:22,145 Hey, you-you think a novel set inside a mushroom 376 00:15:22,147 --> 00:15:23,570 would be a good idea? 377 00:15:23,648 --> 00:15:25,648 Except-except you wouldn't know it's a mushroom 378 00:15:25,650 --> 00:15:26,983 until the very last page. 379 00:15:26,985 --> 00:15:29,485 I'd call it Mushroom Surprise. 380 00:15:29,487 --> 00:15:31,154 Well, that kind of gives it away. 381 00:15:31,156 --> 00:15:32,488 No, no, 'cause in the story, 382 00:15:32,490 --> 00:15:34,173 that-that's the guy's favorite soup, 383 00:15:34,250 --> 00:15:36,100 so, like, that's what you'd think it means. 384 00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:37,918 Honestly, I don't get the whole soup angle. 385 00:15:37,996 --> 00:15:39,270 It seems needlessly confusing. 386 00:15:39,347 --> 00:15:41,664 You don't know! You always think you're better than me. 387 00:15:41,666 --> 00:15:42,941 Well, you're not. 388 00:15:43,017 --> 00:15:46,018 In fact, I've met a ton of celebrities at this job. 389 00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:48,838 -Name one. -Um... Brad? 390 00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:52,283 Brad somebody? He was in, um... 391 00:15:52,360 --> 00:15:54,619 Go to hell, Stewie! I'm not helping you. 392 00:15:54,696 --> 00:15:56,120 Brian, please. Don't hang up! 393 00:15:56,197 --> 00:15:57,847 Oh, Rupert, I'm so scared. 394 00:15:57,849 --> 00:15:59,440 This may finally be the end for me-- 395 00:15:59,517 --> 00:16:01,184 -[phone rings] -Hello? Brian? 396 00:16:01,186 --> 00:16:03,519 I remembered which Brad it was. 397 00:16:03,521 --> 00:16:04,963 It was Toby Huss. 398 00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:07,674 ♪ 399 00:16:13,698 --> 00:16:15,807 So, is there something you want to tell me? 400 00:16:15,883 --> 00:16:19,719 Oh, nothing, just swam with a dolphin this morning, no biggie. 401 00:16:19,871 --> 00:16:20,979 Not you. 402 00:16:21,055 --> 00:16:22,796 It actually was me. Check Facebook. 403 00:16:22,874 --> 00:16:25,984 Peter, Lois and I don't know what you're talking about. 404 00:16:26,060 --> 00:16:27,801 I know you've been eating cheesecake with my wife 405 00:16:27,879 --> 00:16:29,212 behind my back. 406 00:16:29,214 --> 00:16:30,637 You left a used napkin in the couch. 407 00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:35,218 Okay, fine, Peter. It-it just, it looked too good. 408 00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:37,903 Quagmire and I each had one bite, but that's it. 409 00:16:37,980 --> 00:16:39,722 [Quagmire] It's true. After that, we both felt so guilty, 410 00:16:39,724 --> 00:16:41,648 we threw the rest of it off the balcony 411 00:16:41,726 --> 00:16:42,983 and into the ocean. 412 00:16:43,061 --> 00:16:44,318 [crunching] 413 00:16:44,395 --> 00:16:47,321 Wow, this is, like, the world's best cheesecake. 414 00:16:47,398 --> 00:16:49,490 Yeah. I saw the sign. 415 00:16:49,567 --> 00:16:51,417 I'm sorry we lied to you, Peter. 416 00:16:51,494 --> 00:16:54,570 But, look, I think there's a part of me that was angry 417 00:16:54,572 --> 00:16:56,681 you seemed to care more about a dumb piece of cheesecake 418 00:16:56,758 --> 00:16:59,909 than being on a romantic vacation with your wife. 419 00:16:59,911 --> 00:17:02,411 [sighs] It's my fault, too, Lois. 420 00:17:02,413 --> 00:17:04,689 I'm sorry I've been kind of neglecting you this trip. 421 00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:07,692 Hey, I know. How about we flush the whole afternoon 422 00:17:07,769 --> 00:17:10,253 down the tubes by wandering through a bunch of boring, 423 00:17:10,255 --> 00:17:11,754 overpriced boutiques? 424 00:17:11,756 --> 00:17:16,034 Oh, that's all any woman wants. I love you, Peter. 425 00:17:19,264 --> 00:17:21,581 ♪ 426 00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:26,602 Okay, Desmond, the moment has arrived. 427 00:17:26,604 --> 00:17:29,672 Time to step up to the lip of the volcano. 428 00:17:33,961 --> 00:17:36,054 ♪ 429 00:17:36,781 --> 00:17:38,130 This is it, Rupert. 430 00:17:38,283 --> 00:17:41,117 If Lizzo ever writes back, I want you to have the letter. 431 00:17:41,119 --> 00:17:42,876 Put it in a frame I would like. 432 00:17:42,954 --> 00:17:45,621 Talk to Curt at Aaron Brothers, he's fantastic. 433 00:17:45,623 --> 00:17:47,565 ♪ 434 00:17:58,136 --> 00:18:00,745 -Yay! We did it! -Did what? 435 00:18:00,822 --> 00:18:02,305 Hey. I-I thought Dennis said 436 00:18:02,307 --> 00:18:03,748 you were all going to make a sacrifice. 437 00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:04,974 That's right. 438 00:18:04,976 --> 00:18:07,326 The sacrifice is that we's posting a pic 439 00:18:07,403 --> 00:18:10,663 with no filter and no photoshop. 440 00:18:10,739 --> 00:18:13,149 And... posted. 441 00:18:13,151 --> 00:18:15,909 -[phone chimes] -Ooh, first comment. 442 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:19,413 "So brave to post such a terrible photo of yourselves." 443 00:18:19,490 --> 00:18:22,225 Ah, ah... Delete. Delete. Delete. 444 00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:25,394 ♪ 445 00:18:32,503 --> 00:18:35,521 Eh, fine, Stewie, maybe we don't have Michael Clayton. 446 00:18:35,598 --> 00:18:38,174 But we got that Matt Damon fracking movie. 447 00:18:38,176 --> 00:18:40,860 Basically the same thing. What's that-- what is it called? 448 00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,270 I want to, I want to say "Frack Damon"? 449 00:18:43,348 --> 00:18:45,439 And-and, oh, not enough berries on your plate? 450 00:18:45,516 --> 00:18:49,460 I-I got some berries for you, of the dingle variety. 451 00:18:51,539 --> 00:18:53,464 ♪ 452 00:19:14,562 --> 00:19:16,821 Housekeeping. 453 00:19:16,898 --> 00:19:19,407 No, no, no... 454 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,326 ♪ 455 00:19:23,329 --> 00:19:26,664 You know, posting that photo wasn't the only sacrifice 456 00:19:26,741 --> 00:19:28,332 -we made today. -Really? 457 00:19:28,409 --> 00:19:32,003 Yep. You won't find a single carb on this boat. 458 00:19:32,079 --> 00:19:34,397 Um... flatbread is a carb. 459 00:19:34,399 --> 00:19:37,157 Oh, my God, he's right. Why did we think that? 460 00:19:37,235 --> 00:19:40,327 -Just 'cause it's flat? -I must have had two boxes. 461 00:19:40,405 --> 00:19:43,139 [gasps] My hat that no one likes! 462 00:19:47,836 --> 00:19:49,270 [screams] 463 00:19:50,081 --> 00:19:51,931 Oh, no! 464 00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:54,400 I know! 465 00:20:03,594 --> 00:20:05,494 ♪ 466 00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:19,217 So sad. 467 00:20:19,293 --> 00:20:21,627 The lifeguard said the sharks were lured to the resort 468 00:20:21,745 --> 00:20:23,888 because someone threw cheesecake in the water. 469 00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:26,557 Oh! [nervous chuckle] Is that right? 470 00:20:27,635 --> 00:20:30,453 I don't know if I's ever gonna recover. 471 00:20:30,455 --> 00:20:32,045 I could come back with you. 472 00:20:32,123 --> 00:20:34,957 Oh, let the healing begin! 473 00:20:34,959 --> 00:20:36,642 Oh, hey. Where have you been? 474 00:20:36,644 --> 00:20:39,462 At the duty-free shop, buying six cartons of cigarettes, 475 00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:42,465 a jug of Dior perfume and a tin of wafer cookies. 476 00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:45,243 -Oh. Did you get a good deal? -I have no idea. 477 00:20:45,319 --> 00:20:47,486 And what about you? You're coming home with us? 478 00:20:47,563 --> 00:20:49,472 Yeah. I actually got fired for dragging my ass 479 00:20:49,474 --> 00:20:51,398 on every inch of a guest's hotel room. 480 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:53,584 [laughs] Aw, epic. Even their pillow? 481 00:20:53,661 --> 00:20:55,902 -Yep. -Nice. 482 00:20:55,980 --> 00:20:58,071 Maybe next year, we'll go to the White Lotus in Thailand. 483 00:20:58,149 --> 00:20:59,465 Eh, I hear it's not as good.